The difficult ones

It’s the weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas. The time when things either slow down as you are wrapping up your year, or speed way up and you are preparing for Christmas and trying to wrap up your year. Either way, it is a weird few weeks of time. So many parties, so much to do, snow and icy roads, the list of things you thought you’d get done this year and didn’t. Ahh the Holiday Season. I am a fickle holiday person. I am either all in and loving it, or I am not into much at all. This year I fall to the latter of those. It’s almost the middle of December and I just have my tree up, no ornaments, no tree skirt, no other decorations other than a few snowmen. I don’t really know why some years I could just skip November and December and jump right into the New Year in January. Sometimes it has to do with relationships. You know the ones that are awkward, or hard, or non-existent that this time of year just somehow seems to highlight.

I was preparing for my Advent study, and we were told to read Romans 15:4-13. This week’s word is Hope. This isn’t the traditional Advent where you look at Love, Hope, Peace, and Joy, but we do have a focus word each week. So, like I said, this week’s word is Hope. And at Christmas time, hope makes me think of the line from Joy to the World that says, “The thrill of hope the weary world rejoices.” Something about that wording gets me every time I hear it. This year, I feel weary for many reasons, mostly because I have been going warp speed, with no slowing down in sight. It’s not been a bad year, but it’s a busy one. And when I am weary, I am not at my best people-wise. I bet you feel the same way. It’s hard to deal with someone who isn’t the easiest person for you to get along with when you’re tired.

We all have people in our lives who, shall we say, test our patience. It might be a family member, a co-worker, a neighbor, your kid’s teacher, or whoever it is, we all have them. When I was reading Romans 4 for my Advent study a portion of that chapter hit me as the key to dealing with the person in your life that needs a little extra grace. Romans 4:5-7 reads, “Now may the God who gives endurance and encouragement grant you to live in harmony with one another, according to Christ Jesus, so that you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ with one mind and one voice. Therefore, accept one another just as Christ has accepted you, to the glory of God.”

That verse has a whole lot going on. When I read it I thought of the person in my life that I have a difficult time with. God has convicted me many times over my negative thinking and judgmental thoughts of this person. I know that it’s ok to not be best friends with everyone, but when it is someone you are around alot, it’s always best if there is peace and not tension. Ok, so the truth is it isn’t about the other person, the one that makes me crazy, it’s about me. There is always going to be people who just rub you the wrong way, but God has a plan to help you get through and it is spelled out in Romans 15:4-7.

I looked into the meaning of a few words from these verses. It says, “Now may the God who gives….” The first thing to do when dealing with someone difficult is to stop doing it on your own. For me, that means praying when I know I am going to be around this person. The next part of the verse tells us what to pray for. Romans 4:5 says it’s God who gives you endurance and encouragement, and He grants you the ability to live in harmony with others. Why does He do this? So God will be glorified. It takes the pressure off to know that it is God’s job to give me endurance and encouragement to live in harmony with others. That is where we start, leaning in to God, trusting Him for endurance and encouragement.

Endurance in this verse means steadfastness, to remain under, to wait, to hope, to expect. It means steadfast endurance, particularly in the face of trials and difficulties, remaining faithful and patient under pressure. Encouragement means calling someone to your side for the purpose of offering comfort. It comes from the same word used in John 14:26 when the Holy Spirit is named the Comforter. Lastly the word harmony means being of the same mind. It often implies a deliberate choice of thought or attitude.

Here is the takeaway. It’s not the person who makes us nuts. It is how we deal with the person that matters. Do we stew over how frustrating they can be? Do we agonize and stress when we know we have to see them? No, we pray and ask God to give us hope that we will find common ground with this person. That the relationship won’t always be strained, awkward, or difficult. We ask God to comfort us when this person hurts our feelings for the thousandth time. We can’t change other people, but we can allow God to change us. So this holiday season, or whenever you are going to be around those people who are difficult for you for whatever reason, remember Romans 15:5-7. Write it down. Keep it somewhere where you can read it, and pray before you are around them.

Let’s choose to accept people for who they are while praying for God to give us endurance, encouragement and the ability to live in harmony with one another. Let’s glorify God in all of relationships – even the difficult ones.