I am sure if you have been a believer for longer than a day you have experienced a season where the enemy seems to hit you out of the blue with spiritual warfare, and then the hits just keep coming from every direction. I don’t like battles. I am not confrontational by nature. I am a people pleaser who easily can put making others happy above my own happiness. I am not a cryer, but lately you’d think I was pregnant the way I cry at EVERYTHING. You get it if you have walked through a season like this in your own life.
It started a little more than 2 weeks ago. An event that shouldn’t have had that much effect on me did. It caught me off guard and sent me into a tale spin. While I was still trying to figure out why I was angry and hurt but this situation, the attacks piled up and took me by complete surprise. After 2 weeks of stress, funerals (yes that is plural), hurt feelings, mental self esteem negative thoughts, PT for a torn ligament in my arm, and fighting with those close to me, I found myself feeling like I was drowning by it all. I began to feel spiritually bi-polar – excitedly “preaching” to my husband one moment, then tearfully exclaiming to him I give up, I throw in the towel, I am done the next. The highs and emotional lows were crazy The tears come easier than I thought was possible.
I read a devotional book personally just for me every morning and every evening. Starting my day with God and ending with God has become a new habit in life this year. On one of the hard days, I was feeling so overwhelmed by, well, everything. Then God stepped in. I cried more but this time not tears of overwhelming hurt and frustration but overwhelming tears of how God was there speaking and loving me. That night I opened my night time devotional book and the title for that day was PERSEVERE. The verse 2 Timothy 4:5 – “Be sober in all things, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry.”
The first sentence from that day’s devotional reads, “Today, persevere. Do not give up, no matter what happens.” I laughed out loud. At my church we are in a series on 2 Timothy. I had been crying out for God to show up, and He did. Just not how I thought He would. I should know by now He never moves how I think He should or will. He didn’t show up and fix the problems although I am believing He will. He came and spoke to my broken heart. He came being more worried about me and the condition of my heart than the chaos around me.
I looked up a few key words from 2 Timothy 4:5. Sober means free from illusions, being tempered and self-controlled, the opposite of irrational. I had been staring at the illusions of the enemy. I had been irrational and definitely wasn’t exercising self-control.
Hardship means enduring painful hardships that SEEM to be a set back but are not. Lastly fulfill your ministry means the use of God’s power bringing the believer to maximum potential, matching their true knowledge of Him.
I finished reading the one page devotional and my spirit shifted. I cried again, but not out of fear; out of knowing God knew how I felt and had been there with me over the last few weeks. I fell asleep in a better frame of mind than I had started the day.
God didn’t stop there. My morning devotional — The same power that resurrected Christ from the dead lives in me. The verse. Romans 8:11. In the devotional she referenced Mark 12:18. The Sadducees were a group of religious leaders during the life of Jesus who were convinced that Jesus’s life ended in a dark tomb and that there was no resurrection. The author says “As I thought how sad it is to see life this way, I sensed the Holy Spirit whisper ‘You have areas in your life where you don’t believe in the resurrection either.” BAM God was opening my eyes and heart to see where my faith was lacking. Again tears of God’s overwhelming love for me.
As if the two devotions were not enough God moved further. Two bloggers I follow posted last night and early this morning, one on don’t give up. The verse “And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.” (Galatians 6:9, ESV). God was moving telling me He is here. He knows. He cares. He’s not done, so I shouldn’t be either.
Then God got real personal. I have a friend who has hurt my feelings deeply and the worst part is that she is unaware, and I believe at this point she is incapable of seeing or acknowledging this. The other blogger I mentioned posted “How to love well when a friend hurts you”. More tears. God knows. God is here, God cares, God feels my pain, and will move and do what only He can to heal my hurts.
I am so overwhelmed by the God I serve. The only person ever to cause me tears of joy – God.
It’s a tough world right now. Hurt and pain seem to be the normal. Anxiety and stress, being overwhelmed, is just the way life is. That my friend is the lie I had allowed the enemy to convince me was true. It is an illusion. God’s word – “be sober”. God wants me and you to live free from the illusion the enemy creates. God wants me and you to live in full resurrection power. God wants you and me to not give up. God wants you and me to live in unity with other believers. Stop living the illusion and start living the TRUTH. This is a challenge for you and for me. Are you up for it? I am!!
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So good Becca!!