The last part of last year was rough. My life was spinning faster than I could keep up with. I was unwilling to deal with emotions in my life, and I found myself in a bad place. I was depressed but unwilling to acknowledge that depression. To be honest it had probably started somewhere over the summer. I just was ignoring the symptoms. I found myself eating Chick-Fil-A and a half-gallon of Birthday Bash ice cream on a weekly basis. I kept telling myself it was ok; I had had a really rough couple of months, and I don’t drink, gamble, or go on shopping binges. And food is a necessity for life. I was out of control. I had no self-control but denied that truth.
Fast forward to a few days before New Years when another pastor at my church approached me and asked if I would be willing to do the Daniel Fast for the first 40 days of the new year. I didn’t want to, but I knew deep in my heart God was already telling me I need to get a grip and gain some self-control. So I agreed. For those of you unfamiliar with the Daniel Fast, it is based on Daniel chapters 1 & 2. Basically Daniel had been taken captive by Babylon. He was being trained in the ways of Babylonian culture, was given a new name, and was given food from the king’s table. The food wasn’t Jewish food, and some of it had been sacrificed to foreign gods. Daniel asked that he and his friends be fed vegetables and water for 10 days. At the end of those 10 days Daniel and his friends looked better in appearance than the men who were given the king’s food. (Daniel 1:15)
The first few days of the fast I was a hot mess. I was mad, emotional, and not fun to be around. It was harder than I thought it would be; after all, this fast wasn’t like the ones I had done in the past where I didn’t eat anything. Let me clarify. I am not the type of person who fasts often. In fact I have only successfully completed two fasts in my 28 year walk with the Lord. I usually have a good reason I can’t participate in fasting. I am hypoglycemic and get migraines when I don’t eat enough.
About the same time I started this fast, I started reading a book by Lysa TerKeurst called Made to Crave. God was speaking “You worship food. You have made food more important than me. You seek comfort in food that only I can give.” When I think of idols, I would never have thought of food. The truth is, food isn’t the real idol here. I am. Maybe I have given my wants and my desires a bigger place in my heart than God. That is a hard thing to come to terms with.
The more I read, and stuck with the fast, and prayed the more I began to see I was living my life the way I thought a “christian” should. I was rationalizing sin, down playing the fact that I had little to no self-control. Eat that cookie – sure. Watch 4 episodes of that TV show – why not? I don’t have anything else to do. All the while I was missing the quiet whispers of the Holy Spirit…. “Enough is enough.” “Have you prayed today more than the simple ‘bless this food’?” The more I gave into my wants, my desires, my self complacencies the quieter the whispers grew.
This fast has been hard, I wont lie. Denying yourself is never easy for a million reasons. Self denial goes against our culture, our flesh, and the enemy hates it to name a few. But as I kept saying “No” to myself the more I began to feel free. I really could eat just a salad and be fine. I could have a bad day and pray and read my Bible instead of watch TV while eating whatever food. I could find self-control with the help of the Lord. I could trust that what I tell others about God is true. He REALLY is our everything. He really does have our best interests in mind. He doesn’t tell us to worship Him alone for his own reasons, but for ours.
I have found that reading my Bible and praying are coming easier in my life. I have found myself longing for time to sit and read or study or pray. The battle isn’t over, but I am winning. I am laying my will down and picking up the will of God. I am hearing the voice of the Lord louder than in the past few months. I am gaining victory and self discipline along the way. I can’t tell you I don’t still want that candy that I got for Christmas that I put in the cabinet until the fast is over. But I can be alone in my kitchen without eating every last piece of it because no one is around to know I ate it ALL.
I am determined that God will be first in my life. I am more in tune to the fact that there will always be a battle for that place in my heart, but for the first time I am willing to fight for it to be given to God.
I want to encourage you that self denial and self discipline are not just good things to do. They are God’s commandments for our lives. 1 Peter 5:8 says “be self-controlled and alert.” Titus 1:7-8 says that as God’s steward we should be self-controlled and disciplined. And 2 Peter 1:3-11 gives a list of the attributes we are to have in our lives that are granted by divine power. That list includes, self-control. Those are just a few scriptures. Not to mention the countless verses about having no idols and making God first.
Fasting is hard, but it has a great purpose in the life of the believer. If you haven’t fasted in a long time (or maybe ever), now is the time. I encourage you to take this to God. Ask Him if there is anything that you put before Him. Then be willing and bold to take that step of faith and fast whatever He shows you until that thing no longer has power over you, and God has His rightful place as LORD of your life.
